15 Things All Women Have Done On Their Period But Don’t Admit
Surfing the crimson wave, shark week, time of the month, the red wedding, code red or THE CURSE, whatever you might call your period, every girl out there knows what it is like when Aunty Flo comes to visit. There is no denying that this seemingly commonplace occurrence that sets women apart from men is a completely unpredictable roller-coaster ride. Whether your menstrual cycle follows a schedule with military precision or arrives suddenly like a summer storm, you will always end up doing certain things that every member of the crimson club has done at some point. Here are 15 things done on your period that will make every woman nod her head knowingly and every man wonder what on earth he has stumbled upon.
1. Using toilet paper as an emergency pad.
Whether your period came on you as a surprise, or you were just dazed when you left your house in the morning and ventured into the world without sufficient protection, at some point, every woman has found herself stuck in a bathroom far from home and without access to a pad when she needs it. So of course, she turns to the most logical (and absorbent) solution she can find — toilet paper. A small wad might do, but what if it doesn’t? This paranoia is what leads to a veritable mattress shoved into her underwear, followed intense thigh clenching and waddling around for the rest of the day.
2. Choosing outfit colors wisely
There is nothing more annoying than your joy at strutting about in a sexy skirt being foreshadowed by the nagging voice in your head that keeps telling you that you might just reveal to the world that your womb is weeping. Which is why most women choose clothes with colors where nothing will show in case of any accidents, dedicated to a certain time of the month.
3. Checking any furniture that you sit on umpteen times
No matter how careful you’ve been, nobody is perfect and accidents do happen more often than people think. Which is why every chair needs a backward glance to ensure that there is nothing left behind which might make people wonder if a crime has been committed.
4. Avoiding men during checkout when buying tampons or pads
In spite of progressive thinking and men willing to acknowledge that women go through something that closely resembles hell every month, there is still an unspoken agreement to keep the phenomenon almost as closely guarded as the recipe for KFC. Which is why, women will do anything to avoid eye contact with any man when they are buying their feminine hygiene supplies.
5. Hidden a pad or tampon under clothing
Walking to the washroom to change your pad or tampon seems like a simple enough thing to do. But how are you supposed to accomplish it when you have to ensure that nobody knows what you’re carrying? This is when women come up with hiding places that would make any drug smuggler proud. Sleeves, socks, waistbands, and even bras have been used to hide pads.
6. Held in sneezes to avoid bloody explosions.
There is never a worse time to sneeze than when your vagina is pooling blood like a dripping faucet. All it will take is one explosion to let it all out, which might just result in an accident that people would notice.
7. Contemplated whether you were dying of blood loss
Every visit to the bathroom results on what looks like a very gruesome murder scene. This much blood in a day can’t be normal, right? Sometimes it feels like all the blood flowing through your veins has now escaped from your vagina.
8. Spent some time examining the contents of your pad
There is a morbid fascination that plagues all women when it comes to their periods. Especially when your body expels clots that are so large that they tend to fall with a plop. Or when it looks like you might have accidentally let a part of an organ flow out as well. We must know more.
9. Trying to subdue the noise made by tampon and pad wrappers
Although you’ve made the effort of finding genius hiding places to carry it into the bathroom stall, your pad or tampon still needs to be unwrapped, and this is when it makes enough noise to spill the beans. It only stands to reason, then, that you would try to smother the sounds as much as possible or cover it up with coughing, or even humming. How else will you keep the secret?
10. Trying to convince yourself that your pad or tampon can hold more than it seems.
There are those times when you just can’t be bothered to go to the trouble of getting up and sneaking into the bathroom to change your pad or tampon. So you convince yourself that you don’t need to. Unfortunately, your future self will probably curse you in about an hour, because she will have to tiptoe around as though walking through a minefield, just to avoid any accidents that might result in a red explosion.
11. Tried to measure how much of your lifeblood left you
It might seem impossible, but every woman has at some point tried to figure out just how much blood came out of her. It is supposed to be a mere few spoonfuls, but the gory scene you find in your underwear and toilet always makes it seem like bucketfuls of blood have gone down the drain. Quite literally, in fact.
12. Considering sending pictures of the carnage you have wreaked to your best friend.
Who will understand the pride you feel at functioning like a normal human being when you have lost that much blood better than your best friend who also probably feels the same way? But sending her a picture in celebration or commiseration might result in crossing some line, which might bring you closer, or make her run from you with resounding screams.
13. Waking up in the middle of the night to check if you’re lying in a pool of your own blood
Although women tend to sleep more during their periods, this sleep is rarely restful. It is plagued with lurid dreams of gore and bloodshed, resulting in suddenly waking up just to check if you’ve bled out into the sheets.
14. Tried to put on one too many tampons or not putting enough.
The time of the month is also exhausting mentally for women, due to all the subterfuge and sneaking around they have to undertake. Can you really blame them if they end up being more cautious and trying to put in a tampon when there already is one in, or even if they mean to put one in, but forget? Toilet paper can always come to the rescue.
15. Worn that underwear that you wouldn’t otherwise be seen dead in
Periods are a time when there are many casualties in the lingerie department. Some stains just won’t come out. It might just be better to use those panties that you’re not really that fond of, just in case they need to be thrown out.